Always a tourist

More than once, I had the feeling of not belonging to a place. Either because I felt misplaced because I was just passing by. I was able to ignore this feeling due to my friends and other connections. But we cannot run endlessly from feelings, and when they catch me up, I was not ready.

After my month-long adventure traveling by bike, the one thing that I craved the most was a sense of belonging. I wanted to feel that I belonged to my work, to my friends, to my hobbies, and to my place in the city in general. I was craving this for days on the bike after being tired of new places and new people back to back. But the reality is, since I came back, I felt once again like a stranger. This eye-opening experience marginalized me.

I have heard that adventures and traveling open your perspective of the world. I can say for certain that it doesn’t open it; it breaks it. The reality that I was living for a month felt so out of the ordinary that my ordinary life felt alien to me. Saying this, I also didn’t want to go back to the road. So what now? Where is my place? And where do I belong?

To be honest, I still cannot find that answer. I know that I belong to the people that I have shared my life with, and that I decide to keep sharing with. But I no longer feel that I belong to one place.

The few times that I have met a bike packer after my trip, I have this strange connection. I can also see that they have lost this sense. Even tho I admire that they do, I don’t know if I would be able to do the same again.